7 Surprising Truths About Having Two Kids Under Two That Hit Hard

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Having two kids under two is a challenge. Everyone knows it, especially the strangers who look at you when you’re out and say, “Wow, you have your hands full.” Thanks.

I never really expected to be a mom of two kids under two. But when I got my surprise pregnancy test when my first born was only nine months old, I had a wave of bittersweet emotions come over me.

I tried to focus on the positive things. They will have a built-in best friend. We can get the “sleep deprivation years” out of the way. I will remember what it’s like having a new baby because I still have one. (Spoiler alert, I still forgot).

But then there’s the negatives. The sleep deprivation. Managing two unique set of needs. And poop. Everywhere. All the time.

If you stumbled upon this article because you are new to the club, congratulations. Here are a few of the surprising truths I discovered in my two under two journey, along with a positive note on the end.

1. The constant guilt

I’m pretty sure mom guilt is universal. But there is a unique level of mom guilt when you have two very young kids that are close together.

I felt bad for my oldest daughter for barely having a chance to be the only baby. She will never remember a time without her younger sibling.

I felt bad for my youngest because I didn’t have as much time to enjoy her like as I did the first. Sure, there are baby cuddles. But they’re often interrupted with, “Soft hands … soft hands … soft hands!” If you know, you know.

Basically, it feels like someone is always getting the short end of the attention stick.

2. Your toddler doesn’t know how to adjust

At this stage, it’s just about impossible to prepare your first born for what is about to happen. As a mom, it’s hard to prepare yourself for the new addition. So how are you supposed to prepare someone who just learned to walk? Spoiler alert, you can’t.

Every child is different. But in my household, it was a constant battle of hitting and biting and crying for attention.

“Just read to your toddler while you’re feeding your newborn.” That was some advice I read at the time.

Great, in theory. Except mine would practically push the baby out of my lap if she could.

The solution? It’s not perfect. But if you can, ahead of time, try to prep baskets and bags of new things (random things) and that helps. Toddlers love anything new. Bring them out early and often. Rotate them. It may not be a perfect system. But it helps.

3. The constant logistics of handling two very different needs

Remember when leaving the house with one kid felt complicated?

Now you have two nap schedules that never align. Two different dietary needs. Two sets of diapers in different sizes. One diaper bag that somehow weighs 50 pounds and still doesn’t have the one thing you actually need.

Every single outing requires military-level planning and even then, something will be forgotten. Somehow they both know to poop as soon as you’ve left the house. I’ve forgotten the backup pacifier at home more times than I could count.

4. Back pain

This may be because I became a mom in my 30s. But it feels like my back is always hurting now.

Suddenly you have a baby who wants to be held 23 hours per day and a toddler who suddenly needs to be touching you at all times, usually in the form of climbing directly on your head. Your body is no longer your own but rather a jungle gym, milk dispenser, and emotional support animal.

Someone is always on you. A hand in your hair while you feed the baby. A foot in your ribs while you try to sit on the couch. A small finger up your nose while you attempt to use the bathroom alone. Someone is on my hip as I try to prepare bottles and meals.

Usually, by the end of the day, I feel as if I’ve just run a marathon.

5. The sleep deprivation gets worse

One baby waking up at night is manageable. Your body adjusts, and you survive.

Two kids with opposite sleep schedules, however, is brutal. The toddler has nightmares, needs water, lost their stuffed animal, or just suddenly wants you in their room all night. You’re getting sleep in 45-minute increments that never sync up.

The worst part is, they can also wake each other up. Now you have two crying children to try to settle.

And then your exhaustion starts doing weird things. Putting the milk in the pantry and the cereal in the fridge. Forgetting words mid-sentence like your brain is buffering. Operating at a level of tired that makes you wonder if you’re having a dream or just another day of parenthood.

6. Bedtime routine feels impossible solo

I actually usually like bedtime routine. It’s the one time of day my toddler is calm and cuddly. We read books, talk about our day and get one of the biggest, best hugs in the world.

But then there are nights when my partner is working. Those are tough.

I always envisioned reading to both kids and having a snuggle fest before letting them drift off to sleep.

But what that actually looks like is that the baby starts crying over the book you’re trying to read. Now your toddler is upset. Before you know it, you have two crying children who are having a hard time winding down.

You can try to separate them and put one down while the other waits. But even then, they can usually hear the other’s cries. Before you know it, they are syncing and both crying again.

7. Potty training

We are new to potty training in this house. But it has certainly added an extra layer of complication to life.

I can no longer baby-proof the toilets like I did for my eldest. So now I have to closely watch a baby around any bathrooms while also monitoring for accidents and making sure said baby doesn’t crawl through it.

It might have been nice if we got out of potty training phase before my littlest one started crawling. Just saying.

Two under two is surviving, not thriving, and that’s okay

Ultimately, I know that this phase won’t last forever. And as I approach my oldest becoming a year old, my toddler is starting to understand sharing and gentle touches. My baby is sleeping longer stretches. There are moments of true joy between the chaos.

It gets better. They laugh together. They help each other. They have heart-warming moments that make it all feel worth it.

But right now, in the thick of it, it’s okay to admit that this is the hardest thing you’ve ever done.

You’re not failing. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re just doing something objectively difficult while running on limited resources.

So it’s okay if you have to embrace screentime. Lean on convenience meals. Try to take care of yourself. (Ha!)

In the hardest moments, I picture my girls all grown up and laughing about all the antics they put me through. I think about the fact that one day my house will be quiet. And clean. And there will be less laughter.

And then I push forward to another day.

Have you experienced two under two? Let me know in the comments below.

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