Stay at Home Mom Expectations From a Working Dad, What Is Fair?

Disclosure: As a member of the Amazon affiliate program, we may earn commissions from qualifying purchases via links found in this article at no additional cost to you.

It feels like the landscape of parenting is always changing. So, I think it’s a delicate topic when you start asking what the “expectation” is for a stay at home parent vs a working parent.

We can go into a list of common expectations. But before we begin, let me start with the disclaimer that I don’t even like the word “expectation”. Anyone who has had young children will tell you that you can usually expect the unexpected.

If you have to ask if it’s fair, you probably already think it’s not. So, overall, make sure you communicate with your partner and frame it things more like “goals” rather than “expectations” that you are working toward together. That being said, here are some common expectations of the stay at home parent, and how the working parent can ease that burden:

1. Source of emotional support

The stay at home parent often juggles a million tiny crises at home on a daily basis. From spilled milk and ouchies to toddler tantrums, the emotional daily toll of being home all day with children is often overbearing and invisible. It can be hard to regulate a tiny human when you rarely get a chance to step away and regulate yourself.

If you’re reading this as the “working” parent, tuning in to how the stay-at-home mom or parent feels can help make you both feel like you’re on the same team.

2. Making daily parenting decisions

Ever wonder what it’s like for a stay-at-home mom to carry the entire mental load of parenting decisions? It’s like being the captain of a ship navigating uncharted waters without a co-captain. For example, a working dad may think that diapers and wipes are always magically appearing in the closet. But the mother knows what brand works best for their little one, when to size up and where to get those items for the best price. A default parent often carries the mental load of knowing when to switch from a backward facing car seat to a forward facing one, as well as knowing the weight limit for their car’s anchor attachments, for example.

Active participation means staying informed, too. If you’re the working parent, try to ask questions, read up on milestones and show interest in daily routines.

3. Household responsibilities

A stay at home parent is often “expected” to take the lead on household chores and meals. But when you have kids, keeping a clean house may feel like shoveling snow off your driveway while it’s still snowing outside. If you’re the working parent, don’t expect to come home to a spotless house.

I try to think of household tasks as the background music to family life, constant and necessary. When the working dad jumps in regularly, it lightens the physical and mental load for the stay-at-home mom. So if you see something, tidy something.

4. Quality time and connection

Quality time isn’t about clocking hours. It’s about meaningful connection. Moms are expected to do a lot. From maintaining social calendars and planning birthday parties to keeping up with daily meals and cleanup, it can be tiring to feel fully present and engaged with the kids 24/7.

But family quality time plays a huge role in reinforcing the “team” feeling amidst the everyday grind. When dads prioritize these interactions too, it sends a clear message that family matters above all.

5. Financial transparency and stability

Sometimes the stay at home parent is also left to manage bill paying, grocery budgets and savings. It’s important to remember that money plays a huge role in a family structure. Financial stability isn’t just about the paycheck. It’s the peace of mind that comes from smart money management and open communication.

It all comes down to this

Every now and then I come across a post from a dad who wonders if they are asking too much from the stay at home mom. Or maybe, the mom is wondering if they are asking too much from the working dad. The key takeaway here is communication. Every situation is different. Personalities are different. Children are different. And each combination of family dynamics will be varied. So if you are reading this to feel validated, or reading this to wonder what the “normal” is, the truth is that there may not be a normal.

Personally, I think it’s important to remember that having kids means that someone is on-call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. So even if a working parent complains that they work 50 hours a week but they never take a “shift” with the kids, that means your partner is essentially working 168 hours a week.

Above all, remember to communicate and remember that you are on the same team. And for the love of everything, try to get some sleep.

What do you think? Let me know in the comments below.

The content written on this website is for entertainment purposes only and is not meant to be taken as medical or professional advice. For questions or concerns, please contact us.